I am having my upper teeth straightened once again, but this time with aligners, or Invisalign. Invisalign is a clear plastic tray a person wears over their teeth. There are no metal braces. According to my dentist many of us deal with our teeth moving out of alignment as our age number increases. Plus, having my bottom teeth extracted because of radiation to my tongue increased this possibility. And yes, is my vanity motivating me? Absolutely! So, then it came to me to hunt up an old photo of myself. I wanted one from the past that showed my straightened teeth when I smiled. This would help me vision my straight teeth that I see in my near future. I realized I don’t have that many 8×10 photos of myself. But in the photo above I can clearly see my teeth and even the fine freckles across the bridge of my nose. But mostly, do you see her eyes?

As a writer I can have challenging days when it is difficult for me to express my thoughts sometimes, especially when I want to “go deep”, or “be real”. But I want to tell you, Dear Reader, I stared at that old photo of me and into those eyes, and I began to really SEE her, and think about her. And it’s like the Joan of thirty years ago began to speak to me. Do you see her eyes? Filled with light, and hope for her dreams, and life, aren’t they? Then I wondered how she did it all, achieved so much, took on so many challenges, and continued to have that light in her eyes, hold on to those Joan dreams, and keep that authentic smile on her face…

Let me tell you a little bit about her history. She is thirty-seven years young and it is December of 1994. She is raising two beautiful daughters, ages ten and six, both of them having filled her heart with love since the day they were born. Some people would call her a single parent, but this Joan gratefully understands she has a small village of friends and family, and professional people from all walks of life, that often assist her in parenting responsibilities. She is coming to the end of a long and challenging road, to finally obtain a legal divorce, and be appointed the full guardianship of her children, a goal that is the top priority in her life. She not only has dealt with the sadness and anger of a dying marriage, she gave birth to another baby girl only eight years ago, who lived for approximately forty-five minutes, blindsiding her totally with unexpected grief. And she never gave herself credit for her courage and her strength. Yet, do you see her eyes?

Now let’s review the place she is in at this time of her life, December 1994. She has been working part time as a professional dog groomer, and part time as a Certified Nursing Assistant. And she has just finished her last class in School of Nursing, where she had been voted in as one of the class officers, and she has been chosen to speak for her class at her graduation, which will take place in just a few days. She is absolutely thrilled she has finished her college courses. Discipline has been her middle name because of wearing so many hats, taking up so much of her time, and she has worried about her girls, Beth and Jan. Joan wonders, has she been a “good mom”? And to be totally honest, every now and then she cries, tears spilling down her cheeks because of those doubts or feelings of loneliness she tries to hide. But she is now studying for her “boards”, or the nursing national licensing exam, known as the NCLEX-RN exam, and in a few weeks she will pass that test with flying colors. In early March of 1995, Joan will officially become a Registered Nurse. And she will finally relax a little bit related to her concerns about her beautiful daughters. Some of her dreams are coming true. Yes! Do you see her eyes?

Now let’s look into her future and fast forward a few years. Joan is working as a critical care nurse at Baptist Hospital East, in Louisville, Kentucky, most of her days spent on Coronary Care Unit, but often other units as well. Sometimes she is pulled to the Emergency Room to work her twelve hour day shift. She works hard and gets along well with her co- workers and they often tell her to “come back and work with us, leave Coronary Care.” But she always tells them, “No thanks, you play ball too hard! I like knowing what’s coming through the door. You never know what’s coming down, here in ER!”. After five years on Coronary Care, Joan is invited by a cardiologist, a heart doctor, to apply for the position of a RN needed in Cardiac Cath Lab. She is so excited because to her this is the top of the ladder for a nurse to do “hands on care” in a hospital setting. She hesitates, because secretly she is scared. She knows there will be so much to learn, new people to work with, and she will be working literally side by side with the doctors. But she takes the new position, and two years later she is voted Nurse of the Year on Cardiac Cath Lab, a coveted award given to you by your peers! Now do you see her eyes?

So now let’s fast forward even more, thirty years in fact. And it’s this Joan, me, sixty -seven years young. I retired as a Registered Nurse back in May of 2024, though I have chosen to maintain my nursing license. I am now a writer. This coming Friday, February 14th, Valentine’s Day, I am submitting a book proposal to Hay House Publishing Company, my journal that utilizes the gift of storytelling in me and narrates my life while I was dealing with an illness called tongue cancer. As for my present life let me give you a short but concise report, as nurses often do: the discipline I learned so long ago is still a part of me, a honed skill that has been darn handy to have around as a writer. My girls are doing wonderful, living healthy and fulfilling lives. I am so very proud of them and I know the feeling is mutual. I am confident now I am never alone, for my Angels are always around me. And the human part of me now understands to pick up an easy tool if I ever feel lonely, something called the telephone, and simply call someone who loves me, perhaps my darling Man, Alan, or my daughters, or maybe one of the Foxy Hags or other dear girlfriends, or my sweet brother Mark, or many other family members or friends. I have chosen Valentine’s Day to submit my book proposal because for years I have had a Love relationship with my Higher Power. I have come to understand and believe, “Ask and it is given.” One way or another my book will be published. And yes, this alive today Joan is secretly a little bit scared because there is so much more to learn. But then I look into those eyes… I think of all I’ve done… all my dreams that have come true… all the life that is still ahead of me… That younger Joan is telling me I am unlimited, and that so much good is waiting for me, far more than I can even imagine. She makes me smile. And if I get tired, or the light in me grows a little dim, she can reignite that candle that glows from within me. DO you see her eyes?

So, maybe, dear Reader, pull out an old photograph of yourself and really look at you, really look into YOUR eyes. See the promise of courage and strength, remember the challenges you met and conquered, and understand the things you worried about somehow all worked out. Like a movie, rewind your own dreams that have come true, and mindfully pull up from your heart the ones that are still waiting for you, and listen to your marvelous brain transmit to you that even though there is much to learn you know you can do it! We are all unlimited.

So… do you see her eyes? I bet your eyes shine like that, you only have to go and look!

c   Love, Joan