Back in November of this past year, on the second Friday evening, November 8th, I was walking across the small campus of Arts of Living Retreat Center in North Carolina. It was a beautiful night, cold, yet clear, and I was surrounded by the majestic mountains, rising above me on all sides, north, south, east, and west. The Tall Beings, the trees, were everywhere too, standing like dark sentinels all around me. I remember feeling safe and content and a little bit in wonder as I looked up at the stars. My Beloved Spirit had given me a whole new playground for my prayer walks for a full weekend. It truly would be an unknown field for me to walk in, filled with different surroundings, meeting new people, and learning new things about Joan. I had chosen to attend a retreat based on the teachings of Toltec Wisdom, lead by two Ruiz brothers. Their father, Don Miguel Ruiz, Sr., was the author of the best selling book, THE FOUR AGREEMENTS. Perhaps one of the simplest ways to explain the Toltec teachings is that I was here to learn more about who Joan is, but even more importantly, who Joan is NOT. Which meant I would be putting myself under the microscope as much as I was willing to dare to do. What beliefs, opinions, thoughts, habits, and ways of life had I taken on for myself simply because other people had told me it was so? What was truth for me and what was not? How much work was I willing to put into this weekend to get to know this being called Joan even better than I knew her today?

I had arrived at this destination only a few minutes before and checked out my dorm room with my roommate Marcy. It was clean and simple, with my own little side room containing two pieces of furniture; a twin bed and a small bedside table. Perfect for me. Then I could feel Mother Nature calling me, telling me it was time to get out for a prayer walk, nevermind that it was dark and cold. The street lights were lit and I had plenty of warm clothes. The hermit in me could not get outside fast enough. My brain was sending signals to the muscles in my legs to ambulate, to walk, to move. So I put on my coat and scarf, pulled my Green Bay Packer toboggan down over my ears, and tugged on my gloves. I told Marcy I would see her at supper. And then there I was, out of the building, and enveloped by the darkness of the night.

The night was quiet, still, and after I had walked a block or two I realized I was feeling a little disconcerted. Unsettling thoughts were rising up in my mind like the tiny bubbles one sees on the side of the pot when boiling water on the stove. I had been on retreats before. Retreats can be life changing, can be challenging, can make me cry, can make others cry, can make me feel very vulnerable. I deliberately thought of a wise guru from India named Sadhguru. I follow his app on my phone. And one of his favorite quotes I carry with me in my mind is: “You can go as far as you have the courage to walk.” So here I was, walking in this strange place, thinking I belonged here but at the same time not really sure. I have known for several years all I ever need resides within me. But I was having trouble really believing it that second Friday evening in November. To pull it up from deep inside me and then act like it is true. The mountains and the Tall Beings were doing their best to make me feel at home, yet I just wasn’t quite there, could not make those tiny bubbles evaporate. Then suddenly my phone chirped, the sound of a cricket, informing me I had a text.

It startled me, that chirping noise. I had forgotten I still had my phone in my pocket. I remember feeling a little irritated because, well, I was trying to get my retreat groove on, and I needed everyone to understand that. (The real truth was I had not reached that place of peace I usually carry within me.) Then I looked down at my phone and saw my youngest daughter, Jano, had sent the text. I smiled. One of my Treasures.

She didn’t say, “Hi, Mom!”. She didn’t send me a message telling me what was going on about her. No. Obviously I was on her mind and she had sent me just what I needed to read. It brought tears to my eyes. Funny isn’t it, the timing of it all? I wasn’t even in a retreat meeting yet and I was already crying! The message read as follows:

“There are some people who have sun inside of them. It’s hard to explain. Their presence justs brightens, it’s not about their beautiful smiles. They have an internal being that sheds light and feels like sun. It’s a calm energy. Inner peace. But most importantly, it’s not wanting anything back in return. It’s sun.”

Dear Reader, I am sure you understand why I was crying. Such a gift from my daughter. And a reminder to me that when I can’t see who I really am, she can. To each of you, Dear Reader, I am gifting you this message. May this holiday season help you remember who you really are, and give you your own inner peace. Some of you I personally know, others not so much, but I can assure each of you, for so many people in your own life you are a “being that sheds light and feels like sun”. Thank you for shining so bright, so bright that when someone sees you they think, “It’s sun.”

c   Love, Joan

The above quoted message originated from @skiesnostalgy on Instagram from a young man named Lewis Howes.